Paris Hilton "Can Can"

Seriously -- I went to the Macy's counter, and this is the only sample they had. Freaking Paris Hilton will be my first return-to-US review. How perfectly twisted is that?

First on, all I could think of was Flowerbomb. There's that same sweet petal hint, but difficult to untangle -- there's something plastic overlying this scent that muddles the notes, and it runs straight through all the stages of the perfume.

After the intial Fauxerbomb hit, the first distinct note was confectioner's sugar, like when you're dusting a cake and some of the sugar gets caught in the air and you breathe it in. It really gets into your nose and the back of your throat, very aggressive, and actually resulted in me going to get a glass of water to cut the sensation a little. Just as I thought "too much", the sugar died down a bit and a more muted tone appeared.

Unfortunately, I didn't like the next stage any better. All baby powder and floral and sugar, like the perfumes in a child's makeup kit, alongside the miniature lipstick and waxy eye tint. There's a sour flower in here, possibly a lily that's just going off... Ah! Got it!

You know those sachets of plant food you get with flower arrangements? You're meant to mix it in with the water and it supposedly makes your roses live longer. I think it's mostly sugar, and if you let the roses stay in that water even a little past their bloom, this insidious smell shows up. Sickly sweet and decomposing.

Verdict: It's tempting to try a witty comparison between Paris Hilton's perfume (plasticky, saccharine and decayed) and her persona (no comment). But in the end, this is just Flowerbomb well past its sell-by date.

Viktor & Rolf "Flowerbomb"

This is a favourite of Lank's, which surprised me given that his wife apparently can't wear florals and is big on gourmand scents. I mean, "Flowerbomb" kind of implies floral overload. Now, though, I get it.

Firstly, how adorable is that bottle? Shaped like a grenade, yes, but I choose to see the design as a clever subversion of a violent object rather than something tacky. As for the fragrance itself: if you look at that bottle and imagine that the glass is actually candy, a sort of berry-tangerine boiled candy shell encasing a sherbety floral centre, then you're getting close to what this perfume's all about.

Much like hard candy, the sweetness is syrupy rather than sugary. (I tend to think of "sugary" as "a flavour with added sugar", whereas "syrupy" is much more integrated, with the sweetness and flavour blending so seamlessly you can barely tell them apart.) The first hint of floral I got was about an hour in, and that's only because I began to pick up a hint of powdery/polleny scent. I suspect there's a layer of jasmine between that candy shell and the actual bouquet -- it's the sweetest flower I know, and would explain the rather subtle segue. Then the fruity candy fades into the background and the burst of flowers is much clearer.

There is something vaguely dry about the floral accord, a little bit fizzy, which is why I'm thinking of a sherbet centre rather than a liquid one. Dried, powdered petals, maybe -- rose and freesia and lots of others, like confetti. Altogether I like the bottle, I like the concept, and the scent is a mass-market crowd pleaser. Would be suitable for Olive or Blondie, but I don't think I'd be able to wear it long into my 30s. I can't even wear it frequently now, given I'm not exactly the "effervescently sweet" type of personality. That said, I really wish I'd tested this one last night when out for a coworker's birthday drinks -- I wore "Une Rose" instead, and it was really a bit too classy for the occasion. Eh.

Canadianne likes it a lot, but was sidetracked by asking after "the sexy man one". Which is really funny, because I think she's going to use it on her boyfriend, and we both recommended it to her friends Dolphin Boy and AlternaScot last night, and Gil's just run off and gotten some in the States this weekend as well... Sexy men for everyone!

Verdict: A nice gourmand for those who avoid vanilla, and a nice floral for those who don't suit flowers.