Ormonde Jayne "Ormonde Woman"

Okay. Upon first application, this is a major hit of herbs, which was not the most pleasant impression. But I'm willing to shrug that off as personal bias, completely related to a summer job working under a tyrannical florist who made me weed dill beds for hours at a time, so much so that the smell of dill now makes me ill. Luckily, this died down (the scent, at least -- the horrible, scarring florist memories remain).

Sandalwood, cedary, spicy, and apparently involving black hemlock, which is the selling point of this perfume in the literature. I have no idea what hemlock smells like, though I'm sure Socrates could give me some pointers, but it made me think of truffles. Have I ever eaten/smelled a truffle? No. But there you go. This one's got a powdery smell to it as well, but softly, and really very subtle -- nothing like the kablooey of talc that others have.

It ended up smelling like a wooden box that stored expensive incense at some point. I thought it was rather nice -- something you might want to wear on a summer night out, but with kohl rimming your eyes and wearing something sultry and sexy. I caught a bit of cinnamon and spice off it, like a marketplace in somewhere like Turkey. There's also something clear and minty in it, but comes off as "fresh" rather than "chewing gum".

I wore this into the office on a weekend, and as my coworker Siborg was in and subjecting me to bloody cricket, I in turn made him critique the perfume. His reaction, in short: "It smells like an auntie".

Mmmmm. I get what he's saying. It is a mature scent that will age you, which is why I'd never wear it every day. The problem is, other women WOULD wear it every day, and those women would be older women wearing Hermes scarves. We tried a second test a few hours after the first reaction, and sadly, the auntieness remained. I think it's also got something to do with the powder scent, which gets stronger as the day goes on.

I like this one better than the Malone "Vintage Gardenia" version, but I'm going to have to reluctantly side with Siborg; I'm 25. Unless you dress yourself up and make sure to eradicate all association with an older woman, you're going to end up reminding your date of his lovely auntie June. And if he still wants to ravage you after that -- well, you've got more pressing problems than perfume selection.

(I did pay for this critique, by the way. Before this weekend, I was deliciously oblivious when it came to cricket. Now I know that there is such a thing as a "golden duck", that there's a position called "silly mid off", and when the entire crowd cheers and holds up signs with the number 6 on them, which momentarily makes it look like a Satanic gathering, it actually just means that someone's scored outside of the boundaries and earned six runs. But I also got to hear such illuminating commentary as "He must be glad to get his hands around some balls. Finally be able to really get a hold on them!")

Verdict: Too close to call; occasionally might work as a summer evening scent when carefully orchastrated with wardrobe and makeup, but will age you in the daytime and make men think of their aunts. Not advantageous.